This week I was responsible for caring for someone’s three cats (long story). One of the three cats is shy and the other two like to stare him down, scare him away from his food, and then eat it. They do this even though they still have their own food. There’s plenty of food.

I went to an event this week where there was a panel on allyship. Someone in the audience with a disability spoke up, “Enthusiastic allies, please don’t practice ‘benevolent ableism’, by giving us things you think we need without first asking what it is we actually need.”

Ask us.

I’m spending this Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, at a queer bar with my family. Not my “chosen family” but my family of origin. My brother’s child, my godchild, is non-binary and manages a bar in Manhattan. They’re hosting all 20 or so of us this year. When I asked about their work, they told me, “I need to do work that is meaningful…I’m grateful to be caring directly for my community…I literally came out here and certainly came up here so it feels full circle.”