5 things / leaders have feelings, too

Yesterday around lunch, I walked into the dining room, and my partner (a success coach and podcaster) was crying at the table. Why? Because Covid-19 life is hard. It’s really hard. She just found out that schools will be closed for the rest of the year, and she was mourning the experiences her kids would miss. She called it a day, and the next time I saw her, she was watching reality tv and eating pretzels on the couch.

This is a woman who leads others and is constantly needed (by her clients, her kids, by me…). She gives and gives to others, and now needs to recharge. Maybe you can relate?

Leaders have feelings, too.

On Tuesday, I led a Zoom meeting during which a leader asked for tools to support the nearly 3,000 employees recently laid off by his company. Yesterday, I woke up to an email announcement from the CEO of an organization of which I’m a member indicating that the entire staff has been furloughed. Then, I went on Linkedin and read a post from a friend venting about the loophole that allows Paycheck Protection Program funds to go to big businesses, not just small businesses. Her small business, like my business, and maybe your business, is waiting for PPP money.

And there’s more. So much more. I’m sure you have a story or two of your own difficult decisions.

Add gut-wrenching personnel and financial decisions to the other stressors of this Covid-19 era: health concerns, caregiving responsibilities, isolation, and so much more. There’s a lot of extra stress these days, and leaders feel it, too.

It’s completely okay to not have all the answers. Or all of the resources. Or all of the self-care tools. Or the capacity to give to your many competing priorities.

If you are able, it’s okay to call it a day, sit on the couch, eat some pretzels, and watch reality tv.

Leaders (most of them, anyway) have feelings, too. Perhaps you’ll consider talking about yours.

See, this is an unprecedented time in our nation’s history, and we have the unprecedented opportunity to make sustainable changes. Leaders must be bold and quick. To paraphrase one of my sheroes, Frances Frei, from a recent webinar, "Go faster than you ever thought possible. When a crisis is an organization's top priority, it brings the best opportunity for rapid change. Be a progressive optimist."

Sounds amazing! Where do you start?

People first. People are your organization’s greatest asset. Lead them by talking about your feelings, and sharing more of yourself and your own Covid-19 situation, even if you’re leading from your couch next to a bag of pretzels.

None of us have a perfect setup right now, except for maybe Ellen DeGeneres. I know this is hard, particularly if, like me, you were raised to not talk about your feelings, or share parts of yourself that open you up to judgement from others.

Now is not the time for leaders to “cover” themselves. It is a time to double-down on authenticity.

Share your own vulnerability, which as Brene’ Brown revealed, is a strength, not a weakness.

Why?

Because it gives your team permission to do the same: to share more of their own feelings and concerns.

Why on earth would you want that?

Because if team members feel safe enough to do that, they’ll probably feel safe enough to take other emotional risks, like bravely sharing their big, bold suggestions that may be your organization’s next innovation.

When leaders are vulnerable, it can create psychological safety among team members. According to an internal study of their most successful teams, Google determined that they all shared psychological safety. Psychological safety is a term created by Amy Edmonson and defined as the “belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns or mistakes."

Psychological safety leads to trust, one of Frei’s three pillars of leadership.

If you open up, talk about your feelings, and give your team permission to do the same, you have the unique chance to build greater trust on your team. This can be incredibly transformative for your organization—and sustainable as long as the behavior continues long after Covid-19. Chances are, you’ll probably also see more of your team members stick around, too.

For leaders making the difficult decisions and laying off or furloughing employees, this is the time to speak up more than ever. Do not hide. One of my closest friends trusted her leader immensely—but when my friend was among the many laid off, the leader disappeared, not even responding to kind words from their team. There was no empathy, no gratitude, no acknowledgement—only absence. I suppose that leader needed to recharge. Fair enough. But recharging eventually becomes hiding.

As Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”