5 things / service and gratitude
This week I didn't make any selfie videos or post any "good news" (although I did do a Facebook Live with my partner yesterday). I struggled to find my voice this week. I've been in kind of a funk. But it wasn’t that much different from the other funks I’ve had over the past 30+ days of sheltering in place. Yesterday, I decided to go for a drive just to feel what’s left of the energy of the city -- even though I knew I wouldn’t get out of the car. As I meandered, a thought came to me: how can I be of service?
When I was a 19-year-old college student, my sister-in-law died in a car accident on a snowy Valentine’s Day. Her two toddlers were in the car but luckily survived. It was a heartbreaking tragedy for my family, but what I will remember most about that time is all of the people who rang the doorbell and showed up with platters of food. The people who reached out and offered to babysit. My brother, who immediately donated his wife’s kidney to save my uncle’s life.
I witnessed compassion so deep that led to acts of service I’ll never forget. When I was 19-years-old, I learned through those small gestures, to find beauty — and gratitude — in tragedy.
Service and gratitude.
I’m grateful that this lens has carried me forward, and I’m grateful for all of the beauty I’ve seen in the past month: school choirs performing by Zoom, an army of folks making and donating DIY facial masks, and families enjoying socially distant outdoor play in the sunshine on random Tuesday afternoons.
Most of us will be sheltering in place for at least another month, according to reports. It takes anywhere from 21 days to 2 months to build a lasting habit. How about we collectively build simple, daily, habits of service and gratitude? Habits we can sustain long after life returns to “normal.”
Every one of us is capable of little acts of service: check in on a neighbor, someone you know who lives alone, or someone with additional struggles; decorate your front window with inspirational messages; order delivery from a local restaurant and give extra big tips.
Each day, write down 5 things you’re grateful for, and on the hard days, write 10. My partner published a journal you can use. Gratitude is an instant perspective-changer for me. I can go from grumpy to grateful in an instant -- once I shift my focus.
For leaders and managers, this is especially important. Every member of your team is struggling with something: grief, loneliness, balancing caregiving with work, the need for some peace and quiet, an inadequate home setup for remote work, financial concerns, and much more. As a leader, your team is looking to you for reassurance, compassion, and openness. You can be that leader. Lead with service and gratitude.
In every Zoom meeting, ask the question, “How can I help you today?” Ask it with sincerity and mean it. And follow through as much as you have the capacity to. You won’t be able to solve every problem, but perhaps you can share resources, or perhaps you’ll simply be a compassionate listener.
In every Zoom meeting, share at least one thing you’re grateful for, and invite others to share as well, if they are willing and able. I know you’ll have many days where it’s hard for you. Those are the days it’s most important to share.
When you offer service and share gratitude, others will open up, and the collective vulnerability will invite empathy. That empathy invites more service. Service -- giving -- is powerful, universal, and ultimately transformative. And it always, always, comes back.
You might surprise yourself by your ability to witness beauty in a tragedy.
Perhaps service and gratitude require some additional structure. Some companies are assigning “check-in buddies,” pairing folks who are not direct reports but peers, for intentional daily check-ins around service and gratitude. Other organizations are scheduling virtual meetings to discuss topics that may impact team members: the challenges of being a caregiver while working from home; hate crimes against Asian-Americans; the disparate number of black and brown people dying from Covid-19; and so on. Create the space for people to share their feelings. All of their feelings.
Build the habit now and it becomes sustainable later.
Me? I can’t sew. I’m an okay homeschool teacher. But I do have an online course that I’ve offered for free, which 100 people are now taking part in. I’m grateful that I’m used to remote work and have a home office setup. I’m grateful for my health, and the health of my loved ones. I’m grateful to all of those on the front line who are saving lives, whether it’s by intubating patients with Covid-19, or making sure our grocery stores are stocked. I’m grateful that I am among the fortunate ones who will not be a victim of centuries of systemic racism continuing to play out in deadly ways for people of color in this country.