Reflections on 2023
When I think of my experiences in 2023, one word comes to mind:
Yes, this was the year I discovered pickleball. I’m a cliche’...but there was a lot of joy and laughter as a result. I also thought a lot about pickleball and diversity, especially since, prior to my obsession, I spent most of my time in a “bubble” of like-minded people.
Much of recreational pickleball is “open play”: you just show up, not knowing much, if anything, about the people you're playing with. There are regulars at open play, of course, but there’s still a wide variety of people you find yourself playing with, rotating teammates after each game. Just last week, I played with people aged 12-70, multiple races and identities, with a variety of skill levels and abilities. Moms of two and six year olds, who successfully negotiated with their partners a little “me” time on the pickleball court.
Open play has reminded me that coming out never stops. In fact, I came out more times this year than in years past, simply because I made a bunch of new friends at open plays. Over time, you chat between games, play with the same partner again, and bond a bit. It's one of the things I love about pickleball.
Yet the wide variety of players has also meant that I had to think twice about wearing my fun pride sunglasses, or my "I can't even think straight" tee (yes, I have one of those) 🏳️🌈. Even though I live in a reasonably progressive area with a lot of diversity, these little fears still pop up. When asked about weekend play or other plans, I recall consciously reminding myself for a split second that I was going to be OK if I was honest. Just a split second of fear.
That fear that makes us want to hide or downplay whatever makes us different, the little voice that asks, “will they accept me?” The voice that shows up in many different contexts.
In November, on the pickleball court between games, I was talking to a regular player, Ronald, about going home to NY for Thanksgiving. 🏓
This was part of our conversation:
“How’d you end up in Chicago?”
“Love.” ❤️
“That’ll do it every time. Are they from here?”
“Basically. They’ve lived here 20 years.”
“Do they go back with you for Thanksgiving?”
My wish for us all in 2024 is to be like Ronald. Ronald is many years older than me and he never assumed the gender of my love. He was open, curious, kind, and mastered the singular “they” effortlessly. It felt like a gift. Gentle curiosity about others.
A universal truth is to love one another. Simple, but not easy. My commitment to next year and beyond is to let myself be loved by sharing my truths, and to show love for others by creating space for them to share their truths with me.
Wishing you a new year filled with play, joy, and truth.